Let’s just think for a moment about grief.
At some point everyone loses someone they love. For us, we talk about marriage in this space, so I guess we would think about our spouse in this time, but I just want to tell you something I have learned about grief.
I just read an article called ‘Two Weeks Ago I Lost My Mum‘. So interesting. I haven’t lost my Mum or Dad, but when I lost my Step-Dad three years ago I was so surprised at my grief, and I still am.
There are days when I just think about him with such joy and others when I let the tears fall.
Grief really is something to live through, live with, even hold on to. Somewhere in the grief there is joy.
When I talk to Mum about him, we laugh, we cry, but most of all we remember a man we loved deeply and never want to forget.
The thing that bothers me is that, in “polite” society we don’t really talk about our grief, we use platitudes like ‘sorry for your loss’, or ‘I’m sad for you’ and there ends the conversation.
No one asks me anything about my Step-Dad anymore, I only talk about him to my mother, husband and daughter. It’s like they’re worried if they talk about him I might embarrass them and cry or something dreadful like that. We’re all going to loose someone we love at some point, we should be able to talk freely about how that makes us feel.
I loved my Step-Dad and still do. It was an honour to know this character of a man, who loved me as his own.
My life is better for having known him.
♥
On “polite” society: I think this stems from limits placed on sharing the authentic self in early childhood. For instance, a parent might say to a child, “It’s okay, don’t cry” because they are uncomfortable with the crying child and want it to stop to ease this discomfort. A more authentic, albiet less polite way to reference the crying would be “I am very uncomfortable and don’t know what to do when you are hurting.” My authentic thought after reading your post is “I wish we could all live forever.”
You are so right. We are taught from such a young age to keep it all inside because we might embarrass someone with our feelings. No wonder so many people are in therapy.
Thank you for sharing YOUR precious feelings with me