“It’s been so long since we last talked.”
Do you think sometimes this is the case with your loved one?
I don’t mean “pass the salt”, “who’s picking the kids up from school?”.
I mean “how are you doing?”, “fine”. No. That’s not what I’m talking about.
How about this. “how are you really feeling? I see you’ve been so busy lately, running the kids around, working hard to pay the bills, striving to get that promotion, looking after your sick mother, and so much more. You seem tired, exhausted really, we don’t cuddle anymore, really cuddle, we only have that perfunctory kiss on the cheek as we pass each other on the way out or back in the house. When was the last time we made time for each other, made love, had a quiet meal alone, talked about each other, to each other?”
Sounds hard, sad even.
It’s not too late, never too late to hit the pause button for a moment and remember each other.
Pack the kids off to their bedrooms, turn off the tv and the phones, forget work, housework, it will all still be there in a couple of hours.
Light a candle, open a bottle of wine, turn on some quiet music and look at each other, maybe even hold hands.
Reminisce, remember when you first met, first dated, where you went, what you did, think about the things that you’ve laughed at, talk about your dreams, share your visions, make plans.
Above all, say this “I love you”.
I’ve missed talking to you recently.
We’ve been having a really busy time.
Nothing specific, just life, family, work, study. You know, the day to day things that take up time.
Not time wasted, time spent well, but time gone.
In the next week I start University and my husband has a break from his study. Our study time tables will be opposite for the next 3 years or so.
Our time will be, well, busy.
Why am I sharing this with you? Just to remind you, as I remind myself, not to get so busy that we forget to take a moment, a coffee, a meal, to share time with our loved ones.
Time is indeed precious. Can’t be bought, sold, given away, stolen, but can be shared.
“Discouragement left unattended becomes disillusionment which left unattended becomes deception.”
Woah…it stopped and made me really think. According to my source he was speaking at a staff meeting, but I saw how this applies so much to marriage.
How easily we can become discouraged.
By a word, by a deed, by a look.
Then we meditate on the word, the deed the look and we become disillusioned.
Before long we look outside to fulfil our needs and that’s where the deception begins.
I think the best thing would be not to get past the first stage. Don’t let that word, deed, look turn from discouragement into disillusionment. A quick, easy, cure to that is ask why, or what it meant.
It may not get you perfection, but we have to start somewhere don’t we?
If my husband says something I don’t like or understand, I don’t mediate on it (oh, yes, once upon a time I did), I ask him what he means by his words and actions.
I don’t always get the answer I want or need, but I do get an answer, and I know that he loves me, he has faults because, after all he is human, so I must forgive him and myself and grow from what I know.
None of us are perfectly compatible.
Marriage in itself requires compromise. It’s all a learning process, a place where each of us can grow and learn to be better in every way.
Marriage is a long highway with many highs and lows, possible turns, where it looks like the sun may be shining brighter, but stay on your road and it gets clearer, brighter and easier as you continue along the road.
Marriage is 24/7. There aren’t any holidays, but there can be lots of fun. Learn to laugh together. See the funny side of life.
Marriage should be entered into with eyes wide opened, knowing that the honeymoon doesn’t last forever, but the love can if you make the decision to keep it that way.
Marriage really is two becoming one.
Some days I wear make up. Not everyday, just somedays. It makes me think about “putting on a different face”.
Do I wear a different face when I’m with different people?
I hope not, but I think I do.
Am I transparent?
Probably not as much as I should be.
Am I the same at home as I am everywhere else?
Maybe sometimes, not always.
But I am a work in progress, clay in His hands, being remodelled all of the time.
I want to be authentic, but sometimes I wear a mask.
I want to be faith filled, but I have periods of doubt.
I want peace, but I have times of anxiousness.
I want to love and be loved.