Marriage Magic?

It’s bad news. There’s no such thing.

Certainly you can meet someone and fall in love, my husband fell in love with me through a door, when he heard me sing, my Dad saw my Mum from across the street and said “I’m going to marry that woman”.

Right then might feel like magic, and those first day, weeks or even months might feel like magic, but it’s what happens next, in the years to come that create a long lasting marriage with lifelong love.

You have to make the magic happen and unfortunately this story doesn’t come with a magical Oz behind the curtain making it all happen, but then how did that work out? It was all lies and deception. Am I getting your attention?

When we get a new car we wash it all the time, have the routine services, as time goes on and a little scratch turns up here and there (those supermarket trolleys are the worse), and we care for it a little less with each advancing year BUT we do fill it up with petrol, and we do continue those routine services, because without these we’d be going nowhere, and that’s the same with marriage.

Once the bouquet has been thrown, and you’ve been on the honeymoon, you have to unpack the bags and do the washing, now that’s the first scratch on the car. Who is going to do this task?

And so it goes on.

Who cooks?

Who cleans?

Who does the grocery shopping?

Who pays the bills?

Who does the gutters?

Who makes the big decisions? Actually you have to work out how to do this one together.

Who puts out the bin?

Who is going to take the kids to school?

Who, who, who or is that whom?

“In this day of liberation” as the song goes, it can’t be assumed that these are male or female chores anymore, so we have to figure out what works in our homes, for better or worse.

In all relationships compromises must be made, but you have to figure out which things you’re happy to compromise on and which ones you can’t, and even then, sometimes you just might have to back down.

Some will say they do all of these things together, good luck to them, I’m absolutely certain in my observations that this is not true. We still tend to go toward the traditional roles, but why? There is no need to continue in this way, do what works for you.

Argue kindly, be true to yourself, be vulnerable, be real, don’t point the finger, don’t be accusing, remember why you love in the first place.

Then through the years and the trouble and the toil, you’ll find your own kind of magic.

It’s simply called love.

 

 

Just Be Supportive

I don’t generally write 2 days in a row, but I wanted to share a very personal revelation I have had recently.
To give you an idea of where I’m coming from, I’ve always had a plan B. Whether buying a house, getting a job, moving long distances, or finding the money to do what needs to be done.
4 years ago, my husband and I began a new adventure, he went back to school, Rodney Dangerfield style. Yes, at 51, we made the decision that he would go to university and study, and not just that it was 4 years of study. How would we pay the rent, the bills, would we have enough clothes, money, food (note clothes went first, I really am a woman), and so on?
Now, here’s where it gets interesting. I just knew that it would all be ok. Never for 1 minute did I think there wouldn’t be enough, yes we would have to make sacrifices, but anything worth doing generally takes some sacrifice. The biggest one, was not being able to visit our son and his family in Melbourne, guess where we’re going next week?
I didn’t really know how supportive I had been to my husband until he said so, after his last exam. He said I had been unwavering in my support and faith.

Why am I telling you this? I believe we are all capable of achieving in ways we never knew, but the very best thing we can do for our loved ones is be supportive. I’ll admit, I didn’t think I had the capacity to have such faith, but there you have it.
We did it together. He can stand up next month and receive his 2 graduation certificates, and I get to sit there and be proud, I’m sure there will be a few tears, but I couldn’t be happier.